Everyone probably knows by now; our Tanjong Pagar Railway is officially not operational anymore.
It is funny, really. For the longest time, Singapore has been trying to get Malaysia to get rid of that railway track and give that piece of land back to us. Haha! Sounds a bit like a lover wanting his/her stuff back after a breakup.
And for the longest time, I always wanted to see just how the Singapore Government would make use of that incredibly vast piece of land! More high-rise apartments? A shopping centre? A bus interchange?
Or all? Hehe.
I’m no land-surveyor… But trust me, once that land is properly cleared… There is a whole lot of possibilities for that piece of land.
Okay, everyone knows that I’m the kind of person who doesn’t really care much about anything unless it has direct contact to me.
Conceited, much? I totally agree.
Y’see, this railway track has heaps of memories for me.
My grandparents stayed in the houses which are just (literally) next to the railway. There was a period of time when I was left in their care, so I grew fond of the rattling tracks and loud whistling of the train.
I remember feeding the birds early in the mornings; just at the break of dawn. Bah.
Now I can’t even wake up in time to feed myself breakfast. Sheesh.
Anyway after a while when I eventually moved there, it became only normal for me to hear the sounds.
The whole track was like a transition into another world.
Through the front of my home, was an evidently well-developed urban jungle. Then when you look through my kitchen window, you’d see the old tracks and a vast piece of greenery.
The field and the trees; I often wanted to go down there to play. But my grandparents were (and still a tad are…) awfully protective of me. So many a times, I played alone at home.
Don’t pity me. I’m really used to it. My daddy never allowed me to go downstairs to play with the neighbourhood children. So to cater to my ‘child-needs’, I was built an indoor playground.
Yes, I know… I was a spoiled brat. But I dare say that since my life took a turn some years ago, I’ve changed heaps.
So I guess this is how it is with the railway.
It was in the past, had a good purpose – but it would hinder the future.
Trust me, if you knew me back then… Well, you probably wouldn’t want to know me anymore. Heh.
That’s the funny thing about the past, y’see. Be it you think it was better than your present, or worse – the fact is, holding onto it only hinders your future.
I know for a fact.
I laugh whenever people say I have it good – because that only proves that my daddy definitely had a strong baby girl. 😉
Once upon a time, I had a good life. Really, I did.
Even now as I look back, I think that I was one of the most blessed little girls around. But it didn’t last very long. I struggled endlessly to keep smiling and I fought hard to be here today.
The thing is, I think I am a way better person than I ever would’ve become – if I didn’t get out of my past.
As I walked back at the railway today, I realised this – Sometimes you can miss something in your past; but that doesn’t mean you want it back.
I miss what I had terribly so… But that doesn’t mean I would forsake what I have now for it.
I miss all the carefree moments & always-getting-my-way life.
I saw this little girl as she ran around the field & her father was behind her smiling proudly.
That’s what I had; I miss it, I really do.
But I don’t want it anymore.
I’ve found something way better.
No offence to my past; it has made me the person I am today.
I’m not perfect; trust me on that. But I know for a fact, I’m a better person now.
I’m proud of whatever I’ve done for myself through all the difficult times – I didn’t just abandon the idea of life when situations got diabolical. I didn’t just fling myself into the abyss of my painful fate and blamed the world for it.
I stood by me through it all and I’m glad I did.
It’s amazing how one simple trip to the ol’ railway could make me look back like that.
Ever entered a house & only regarded it as home when it had something?
Well, my home was when the sounds of the railway tracks flooded the rooms. Might be something people consider bad…but hey, I like it. So that’s all that matters, right?
I still remember me going to Malaysia for a camp when I was still in CHIJ, I was terribly home sick. 😦
When we took the train back home, I stayed up till my eyes hurt just to wait till the train passed by my home. Once it did, I let out an exhausted smile and went to sleep.
No one seems to believe it… But I’m a home-bird. I love my family, I really do.
Even though many times they annoy me and all, but underline is… They’re still family. 🙂
To a world of more pain and joy,
that no amount of you could ever equate.