Do you know anyone that freaks out at the idea of being fully committed to something/someone?
Like as if it’s the most diabolical thing running towards them with a charged-up chainsaw, all ready to kill them in the most sadistic way possible.
Well, if you haven’t- you have now. I am a commitment phobic.
People like me have our own reasons why we’re so petrified of commitment. Sometimes I really hate it- I hate how I’m scared of something that others keep on wanting to embrace. I hate that I don’t even dare to conceive the very idea of something on a long term basis.
But here are a few things you need to realise about people like me…
1. It’s Usually Not You- It’s Us
I’m not saying this cliche line for nothing… It’s true. In all my past relationships/”flings”, I kept on asking for a break up over the smallest problems.
Everything can be going perfectly fine, but suddenly one day he forgot that I wanted to drink coke instead of my usual ice lemon tea… And I use it as an excuse to say he doesn’t care about me, therefore it’s bye-bye.
True story- it actually happened before.
It was a lame as hell reason to just dump the guy, but I used it anyway. And he begged for another chance, but my agenda wasn’t for him to listen to my every word- my agenda was for me to get out of something before it grows power to hurt me.
To the guy I did this to, if you’re even reading this at all… It’s been so many years. I’m sorry. 😦
2. Freaking Out At The Idea Of Being Committed To You, Doesn’t Mean We Don’t Care About You
The only reason why we freak out it’s because there’s a possibility of us actually being committed.
And being committed means giving someone else the power to break your heart, spoil your mood & almost control the way your life moves. Because of personal experiences, I don’t want this to happen to me.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care or want to commit- I do very much.
I’m just… Scared.
3. You’re Going To Have To Accept That It Takes Time For Us
For us to build up the trust in you that you won’t use this commitment to hurt us in any way (mostly because of childhood issues), it’s going to take a lot of time.
Oh, let’s not forget effort as well. ❗
It really depends on how badly the person was scarred. But eventually if the trust is earned, you won’t regret it.
4. We Don’t Believe In Long Term, But Sometimes We Hope You’d Prove Us Wrong
We probably had bad experiences, but everyone wishes for a happy ending for themselves at the end of the day.
As much as we’ve gone through those painful times, we still hope deep down that someone will bring to life the happy fairy tale-like dreams- not matter how unrealistic they might be.
5. We’re Scared Of Commitment, But Truth Is Because We’re Scared Of It Leaving Us
Chances are- the reason why most commitment-phobics are so scared of commitment, is because they saw the scars it leaves behind once it leaves.
The wreckage is ugly as hell and we swore to ourselves we won’t put ourselves through that kind of shit.
6. However If We Initiate Trying To Be Committed, It Means You’re Really Special
This happens… Well, almost never.
When someone who doesn’t believe in long-term tells you they want to have something long-term with you, you’re someone that has somehow managed to reach into the depths of their shattered hearts and touched them in a way that they’re willing to put it all on the line for you.
It’s a beautiful feeling, actually- I once initiated commitment to someone, but was rejected in the end. It hurt me so bad, I actually grew an extra layer to my onion of commitment-phobia.
Like as if I needed anymore layers.
But don’t worry, dear people! I happened years ago, I’m well & good now- with a loving boyfriend who is still trying to make me trust him enough to commit to him for the rest of my life after 3 years of being in a relationship.
So I guess I could say I’m truly blessed to have found someone like that.
And at least I once upon a time knew what it was like to want to commit to someone; it’s a beautiful feeling. And I’ve begun to understand why people have this whole commitment jazz going on.
And it helped me see what Mark sees. ❤ Thank you, love.