No, I’m Not Pregnant – Just Not Too Smart…

Few days back I posted a status on Facebook about my stomach pains…

Other than the very sarcastic “Congratulations!” and “So when can I be godparent?” – I had a number of very loving friends who were genuinely concerned.

One of them positioned herself in my life to bring me to unconventional places to eat. So she was all, “You eat street food okay what. What kind of curry you eat?” You know who you are 😉 Love you!

Well, I knew for certain I wasn’t pregnant. For one, dates don’t add up…
…and I also did the pee test.

Mark’s mom did look and smile at me suspiciously as I exited the toilet though…

But I found out… IT WASN’T THE CURRY!!!

DA DA DUMMM!!!
The plot thickens…

Yup, it wasn’t. So the curry is innocent, people!

My colleague had it too and he was still dandy. So I retraced my day on what I ate… And I concluded it to be – the leftover pizza.

Here’s how the story went.

Because I’m still new at this job, (but mainly because now Mark drives me to work and he’s super anal about being on time…) I usually get to work early/on time as per my employment contract. Which isn’t always accurately reflective of behavioural conduct carried out by others.

AKA – I was one of the first few to be in the office.

I sat at my desk, looked through emails while munching away on my breakfast… Then the office cleaner auntie called out to me from the pantry. And because I’m a Chinese girl and cultural teachings dictate I’m very obedient to my elders (plus I didn’t really have any new emails), I got up and skipped to the pantry.

She unraveled a slice of reheated pizza… It was leftover from the office party the day before. And she didn’t want food to go to waste. It was the only one left; she had heated it up and asked me to have it.

So I ate it.

How could I reject it?? I’ll give you a few reasons why I simply couldn’t…

  1. I’m an Asian girl, remember? I’m programmed to obey what my elders tell me. I might regret it after much thought later on…
  2. She was being so sweet! She let me have that one last slice and even heated it up for me!
  3. IT’S PIZZAAAAA!!!! Pizza is love; pizza is life! And also quite a portion of my body fat at the moment. AKA, it’s also a part of me right now.

Then about 45 minutes after lunch (when I consumed some dodgy-looking curry), I started throwing up. It was nasty… I blamed the curry because it was the most recent thing I remembered eating and looked like whatever I threw up.

But yes, in the end I concluded… Being dodgy-looking doesn’t mean it’s the culprit! It was the unsuspecting pizza!

Case closed. My own stupidity (further) confirmed.

Seriously; now that I think about it… Who is so stupid to eat food that is that old? Not like I had no food. I had a perfectly good sandwich and some fruit.

Bah.

Honestly if medical science didn’t advance and natural selection still occurred, I’d definitely be dead by now.

Like Mark always says, “You’re living proof that Darwinism is dead.”

Think I’ll order some Hawaiian for lunch tomorrow.

XOXO, G. 

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