It’s a Brand New Type of Christmas

Even though I live in an Southeast Asian country, much of my country’s culture is very much globalised.

Singapore, my home, is very much practically a rojak of cultures actually.

So since I was little, I loved Christmas because of all the gifts I got! However I also really hated the occasion… I’m not exaggerating that I actually hated Christmas. Because out front, I was paraded in front of church people who didn’t even know me; because the woman they call my mother wanted face. And behind closed doors, she was hysterical and mental about how she had to go through such jolly seasons alone without a husband. And then she gets all nuts about finances because she has to buy gifts. Couple of years she told me she had absolutely no money to buy me anything; but she was pretty generous with her church people and the children of the man she was seeing then.

It’s really one of the many things that still make me irk at the thought of Christmas.

Albeit I loved sitting by the Christmas tree at my cousin’s house – hoping that I’d unwrap something nice! ☺️

Other than that? Really didn’t like the occasion. I often wept in despair on Christmas Eve, because it just meant I had a new batch of shit with the woman they call my mother.

However lately as I’ve spread my own wings and left the toxic nest, I have gradually come to enjoy Christmas!

Still don’t care very much that it is supposedly Jesus’ birthday… but I love how it presents the opportunity for people to show love for one another. ❤️

There are friends who I love very much but aren’t able to meet them due to busy schedules… Christmas is the perfect time! And we can do gift exchanges as well. And then we spend time together just talking about how life has been lately…

It’s a whole other sort of warmth.

And I love it very much!! ☺️

Okay – clearly I still have issues with the woman they call my mother. It’s intensively deeply rooted… You cannot just wipe away 24 years of pain, distrust and abuse in a few years. You simply cannot. To expect that I’d go back there is just beyond stupidity, retardation and insanity.

To be honest, I doubt I can even manage in this lifetime.

And right now, I’m okay with that.

I just enjoyed my Christmas with friends who love me, and a new family I’m building. And albeit presents haven’t been as great as before… LOL. I’m actually a lot happier than I was before.

All those material things won’t make me happy. At least not for long.

New Year is coming around the corner and I think I’ve grown a tad in 2016! 😃

Hope everyone had a super jolly Christmas!! 🎄

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