It’s OK to be married and not want children…

You’d think that in this day & age people would be more open-minded… But somehow whenever a couple goes, “No, we don’t want children.”

It seems to be a cue call for,
“OMG!!! WHAT?!?! 😱 😱 BUT WHYYYY??? DON’T YOU WANT A FAMILYYYY??”

Which is really idiotic, in my opinion. 😒

1. Why does ‘family’ have to come with having offsprings?
   So you’re saying those who are unable to conceive, were never meant have a family? How ludicrous. You’re limiting the very blessed word of ‘family’ with your own societal expectations.
2. It’s their future; of which I’m quite confident you hardly have any solid part of.

But let me clear the air here a little bit… I want my own children – not because of societal expectations. But I just want to have children, be it by conceiving & giving birth or adoption. I just love children. ❤️

However sometimes people are just better off not having children.

Lack of Financial Resources

As superficial as it might sound to some people – it’s super realistic.

If you cannot afford to raise a child comfortably, don’t have one (or more, for that matter. In case that wasn’t clear…).

Especially in a country like Singapore; raising a child is immensely expensive. 💸

Before the child is even born, you already spent a bomb on the doctor, the hospital, special food… And then when the child is here, there is confinement… clothes & shoes (that they always grow out of), food, school, allowance…

And the thing about schooling is that you realise it isn’t the school fees that kill you – it’s the bloody miscellaneous shit that come hurling at you out of nowhere.

Even for myself –  as much as I’d love to have children; if I wasn’t financially capable to, I’d rather not.

Because it won’t just be a huge burden on me, my spouse and therefore our marriage – but it will also hurt the baby that I selfishly decided to give life to; without giving practical reason to whether the decision was viable or not to begin with.

Simply Do Not Like Children

Didn’t realise it till much later on my life… but there really are people who just don’t like children. 😯

Sure, they were children themselves at some point – but that doesn’t mean they like children in the slightest. They won’t go ‘goo goo ga ga’ with a chubby baby, or swoon when the baby bursts out in cute giggles.

In fact, some people just find children noisy nuisances – and find no joy whatsoever in their adorableness.

So how can you expect such people to want to have children?

Truth is – no child is adorable all the time. When you’re the caretaker of him/her, there will be times when you just look up at God and wonder how in all His green goodness – He created this unassuming devil and left you to deal with it.

People who already have no patience for cute babies, would probably end up hurting the child during the growing up process anyway.

Now, why would you want that to happen?

Albeit I know some people who just hate other people’s children, but are head over heels for their own lah. So whatever floats your boat.

No Time; No Intention to Make Any

I know some couples who don’t mind having children – but just aren’t ready to commit time in their lives to raise one.

Which sometimes build up loads of resentment in future. The child will always be a symbol of hindrance of ‘what if’…
“What if the child wasn’t here, I would’ve been able to do this… do that…”

And it just isn’t fair to both the child and the parent.

I’m not a parent just yet… and truth be told, I hardly have any example of what parents should be like. However I take loads of reference from my Daddy in the few years he had with me.

And I imagine that being a parent won’t be easy, and it definitely not be perfect… but I always dreamt it would be worth it. And it should be a choice of my own – not society, not my friends/family, not even my spouse.

It has to be a personal choice of my own.
And it should be yours too.

So to my friends who just don’t want to have children – don’t.

You’ll be doing yourself a favour; you’ll be doing the child a favour; you’ll even be doing society a favour.

You can never please society anyway… So may as well do whatever works best for you and go down that road. ✌🏻😉

XOXO, Gera.