Me and My Lazy Colon

Yes, out of all things to be lazy. My colon is.

This is going to be a pretty shitty post… 💩💩 So if you’re the sort that’s easily repulsed, I strongly suggest you turn away from this one. Most people might be shy to share about such a thing in their life, but I’m not. 😂

Having a lazy colon isn’t something anyone just decides one day you’ll want to test out. It’s actually likely because your waste managment (🚽) has been pretty shitty. 

For me, it really was. 😭

Each session was about 20-30 minutes of pain 😣😣 and sometimes I would’ve broken out in sweat. Pretty much like a smelly workout session. 

When it all began…

It was like this for as long as I can remember. And I needed my daily religious dose of Yakult, otherwise I can forget about going the next day. My kitchen always had laxatives, prune juices and all that on standby – because if there were ever a day I didn’t drink about 2 litres, it was going to be rock hard the next day. 

And yes, there’ll be blood too. 

And because it has been like this for as long as I could remember… I actually thought it was normal to have blood in your stools. 

It’s not like I’ll go up to a friend and ask, “Eh, your shit got blood one not ah?”

That’s just socially inappropriate. I’m hardly shy, but still quite polite one okay. 🤗

And when I was much younger and asked my grandma, I’ll end up having to do a water parade because she chalks it up to ‘insufficient water intake’. Which I didn’t really enjoy… so I didn’t tell her again. 🙃 Sometimes I was denied durian too, so all the more I never mentioned it again… 

When it really began

However as I started to age (as we all do…), my body has started to show frequent reminders that I’m already in the next age bracket. 

Once upon a time growing older was an achievement and eventually you get to drink alcohol and watch R21 movies, then from there it becomes a pain in your hip and everywhere else over time.

Well, promptly just around my ‘big-3’ birthday… I started experiencing really sharp pains in my belly area. And now the blood in my stools weren’t just drops, or smears… the entire bowl was filled. (Even more than my monthly ‘Auntie Red’) 

And because I lost so much blood, I felt so faint that I couldn’t even get up. 

So I figured, “Hmm 🤔, this might be a good time to get this checked.” 
(Which, of course, would’ve been much better if this common sense struck me much earlier. But sometimes I think I’m slow.) 

The specialist saw me and ran through a whole series of tests – I had procedures done, stuff injected into me and blood drawn out of me, had to drink some yucky stuff that gave me weird sensations, was put into different sorts of scans, and had to swallow a bunch of non-digestible tracking pills to see just how lazy is my colon. 

It was fun. Life-changing. 
Incredible to know something new about yourself everyday, isn’t it?

After the final scan to spot the trackers in my colon, it was confirmed – “Geraldine, your colon is lazy.” 

👨‍⚕️: Well, it’s not thaaaat lazy. But not great. 

💁‍♀️: So I can’t just fire this one and get another one right? I need to make it work with this lazy ass. 

👨‍⚕️: Yes, that’s kind of how it works with your colon. 😀 

It has been sort of a whirlwind experience and this sharing has been toned down quite significantly… haha! I was in so much pain on a daily basis, but with thanks to the huge stash of painkillers I got (lucky me!), I was able to function somewhat normally on my day-to-day. 

Some pictures of the scans looked like they were out of an Aliens VS Predators movie… quite traumatizing what you actually have, but cannot see. 😨 

So what now? 

Now I’m on long-term daily medication that has really helped with making sure I go on a daily basis~ 🤗🤗

And regular check-ups with my specialist on my progress, and he tweaks my medication if ever needed. Then we’re also keeping a lookout for a suitable period to do a surgery to remove all the exotic undesirable add-ons my body grew for itself, without my permission. 😠

If you’re looking for a specialist, I can recommend mine! He’s Dr Jarrod Lee, at gutCARE Mount Elizabeth Novena Specialist Centre. 

Really don’t take your health for granted, guys. 
This 3-month ordeal made me realise I’ve been putting myself second too many times; to work, to other people.

Maybe because I was younger and thought I was invincible; and now I’m just older and realise I was delusional.  😅😅

If you or any of your family members are facing potty issues, please don’t take them lightly. It’s always better to get things checked out! And we’re so incredibly blessed to be in Singapore, where we have all these awesome medical capabilities. 💛 (Maybe don’t go right now though… let our resources focus on COVID-19 first)

Because of my negligence over so many years, I really paid the price over those few months – and now I’m still on daily medication. And when your digestive system doesn’t work right, pretty much everything else gets screwed! Because even if you take the best supplements/medications in the world, your body is unable to really absorb the good stuff, as it’s still choked up on the old stuff. You also feel a lot more lethargic and fall sick more easily. 

Believe me. Think Dr Lee found stuff inside me that should’ve been out a loooong time ago. 🤢🤢 

So this is the end of my long and shitty post~ 🤗 Thanks for reading and hope you still enjoyed it somehow. Hehe!

In the meantime, please stay home and stay safe! 

XOXO, G.