Want to understand yourself better? Ask yourself this question.

I wasn’t expecting to be asked that question.

I was asked to pick between 1-21 to choose a random question to be asked, and I chose 17. (Because I was born on the 17th 😉)

“Who is the one person, dead or alive, that you’d like to talk to and what question would you ask him/her?”

It kind of caught me off guard. It’s one of the most cliché questions, but it’s actually a question I always ask myself as a personal mental health check.

The one person I’ve always wanted to meet and talk to is my beloved father. ❤️ But the question I want to ask him constantly changes through my life.

When I was much younger and his death was still a fresh wound in the family, my question was always, “Daddy, where are you?” 💔😢 On the surface, you’d think it’s just a child understandably missing her recently deceased parent. However, on a deeper level, it was actually me crying in fear for being left alone with the other parent. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to express myself at that age.

Then when life got rally diabolical with that remaining parent, it became, “Daddy, when can I see you again? When are you coming for me?” 💔😭

It might sound bleak and you would rightfully say that I wasn’t mentally and emotionally healthy. However, it was also a form of my coping mechanism from all the constant abuse and bullying I got on a daily basis – that I could look forward to “going home” to see my daddy one day.

After I officially decided to f**k it, some people just take blood relations as an unlimited get-out-of-jail pass and that I needed to start taking responsibility of my own life and protecting my own happiness, it changed again. (Best decision of my life, by the way. 🥳🎈)

It became something as simple and pure as, “Daddy, how are you? Can’t wait to see you again.” ❤️‍🩹

Then these days when I have my adorable baby boy, it changed all over again. 👶🏻🍼

These days, it goes something like this –

“Daddy, I know I spent most of my life till now promising I’ll see you soon. I’m sorry that I’m going to be later than I promised. But I want to stick around longer now for my baby boy. For now, will you watch over us?” ❤️

It’s amazing how this one unassuming question can tell you so much about where you are in your life at that point. If you want to dissect mine, it probably screams that I have issues. 😂😂

But then… don’t we all have issues??

And I’m pretty sure at least one of you out there have issues even worse than mine. (Not that it’s a competition lol. But if it is, you can win it. Congrats!)

First and foremost, I think if you chose someone dead – it could mean that you’re curious about things beyond what anyone alive can answer; which most likely means you’re someone that always thinks extra deep about things.

If you chose someone alive, you’re likely someone who has no problem having genuine and sincere connections with the living & breathing people around you. And I think it also means that you could be a more practical person than those who choose someone dead.

Secondly, the person you choose says a lot about you as well. If it’s a celebrity, well-known figure, a fictional character… or someone you actually know first-hand. I think the “distance” of the person you choose shows how warm/genuine a person you are the most people. If you choose someone who you don’t have an emotional connection with, rather just a curiosity – it’s likely that you’re not the kind to want to build connections readily, unless you deem they’re worth it.

Lastly, the question you ask shows what matters most to you.

However, I could just be blabbering nonsense. I’m not trained in psychology at all – the closest I’ve gotten is reading books on the topic. So, please don’t take my word for it! Haha.

Of course, it’s likely the answer you give in public will be different from the answer you give yourself in private.

So, I encourage you to constantly ask yourself this question when you’re in your own safe space. Allow yourself to answer honestly and openly, without prejudice and judgement. Allow yourself to understand better, so you can love yourself better. ❤️

Alright, I need to sign off here tonight. Tired out from pumping 🍼!

XOXO, Gera.