The Monsters in Your Life

I’m not going to lie to you – you will have monsters in your life.

They’re going to seem big, they’re going to seem scary, without ethics or a conscience; some of them seem pure diabolical.

And there’s no absolute shield against them.
You’re going to need to deal with your own monsters.

Some monsters choose to insult you;
only because they can’t stand others complimenting you.

Some monsters choose to hate you;
only because they know they’re not easy to love.

Some monsters choose to speak louder than you;
only because you speak more sense.

Some monsters choose to threaten you;
only because you’ve been a threat to them.

Some monsters choose to discredit you;
only because they fear to be in your shadow.

Some monsters choose to ignore you;
only because they want you to feel as insignificant as you make them feel.

Some monsters choose to outcast you;
only because they’re very much alone deep inside.

And some monsters choose to blame you for anything & everything;
only because they’re finding a convenient distraction.

And you can choose to feel insulted, hated, silenced, threatened, discredited, ignored, outcasted and blamed…

However you can also choose to realise that these monsters are just really…
PITIFUL WANKERS!! 😂 😂

It (finally) dawned upon me that truly successful & happy people in life don’t waste their resources putting people down – they’re constantly looking toward a better future.

…Your monsters (AKA pitiful wankers), on the other hand, are too short-sighted/cowardly/incompetent to see their future. So they constantly look behind and see if there’s anyone they can use as a footstool to prop themselves up – even if it’s for just a while. 😕

But like I said – they’re pitiful.

Once you get past your initial anger (and sometimes amusement, even), you should take a step back and take a good look at your monsters. 👀

You’ll come to realise they’re not that big; they’re not that scary; they’re not that worthy. If they choose to act childishly, then you’re clearly just dealing with a child.

You’ll come to realise that your monsters can choose to be so ugly, but you can choose to be happy regardless.

And while your monsters made the choice to spend time hurting you; they made the choice to neglect other things in their lives as well.

So you shouldn’t make the same choice, yes? 😊

Lately I’ve chosen to love more; love everything, really. Even my monsters! ☝🏻

Because I believe that everyone has some good in them; as minuscule as it might be for some. And I believe that good people turned into monsters because of the scars their monsters left them with.

It’s not going to be easy…

But y’know what?

You might not believe me – but YOU are likely someone’s monster too. 😉

The beggar on the street you blatantly turned away.
The cashier you got impatient with.
The new driver you angrily honked at.

Your child you put second to work.
Your parent you haven’t called in months.
Your friend you didn’t bother catching up with.

We all have monsters in our lives; and we’re all monsters in someone else’s life.

Just try to be a cuter monster? 😋
And maybe this world might become a little better.

XOXO, G.

Google Tells Why Your Team Might Suck

Just read this article that featured Google doing research on common denominators of successful teams.

It really struck a chord with me.

Rather expectedly (at least from my POV), a mixture of well-educated and/or creative people was never one of the key elements that attributed to success.

No.

Y’see – you can be filled to the brim with great knowledge and ideas; but the control here is if you let what’s in that amazing brain of yours come out or not. Are you able to openly share with the others what you’re thinking?

If you’re not – then there’s honestly no value in whatever value you were initially capable of bringing in.

In fact, the only value you might have right now is feeding the ego of another teammember who has a compulsive need to appear superior among everyone else.

And it’s an IMMENSELY HUGE pity.

Because then your infinite possibilities become limited according to another mere mortal’s permission; you’re only allowed to be as good as their ego would allow it. There’s so much you can offer – but you don’t dare to offer anything because of this fear installed within you. Because you somehow believe that your safe place is to serve the ego of such a person.

Psychological safety

is CRAZY important if you’d like for a team of (good) individuals to thrive and therefore bring about success to the team.

I say good individuals because not everyone wants the team to succeed – they’re only interested in themselves succeeding, even if it means making the team as a whole fail.

The most fundamental trait teammembers should possess is understanding that the individuals make up the community; not the other way around. You and I both are part of and contribute in whatever way to the community; no community should be revolved around and contribute to that of only one or few individuals.

Because when a community (or team, in this context) revolves around individuals – other individuals find it impossible to find safety because they’re not seen as an integral part of the group. It immediately becomes hierarchical and therefore they’re easily dispensable.

And when people don’t feel safe – they don’t perform.

Why? It’s simple, really.

When you don’t feel safe, it’s only natural of you to be in survival mode. Everything you do is defensive and has the hidden intention of proving your worth – rather than actually demonstrating it.

There’s a fine line between proving and demonstrating. When you’re out to prove yourself – you start stepping on people, you start doing things just for the sake of doing them. So you do the bare minimum, with adding little sprinkles on top only in areas where you know others will notice.

But when you’re openly demonstrating your worth – it should come naturally. Because you do it for you. Every facet of your work becomes immaculate, because you did it for you. We are all capable in our own ways and it will show, if given the right circumstances.

And that’s when the truely unique contributions that you’re capable of start coming about.

You no longer contribute to please another individual – you contribute to please yourself, with the right intent.

And when that happens, people do MUCH better work.

When you’re given a safe zone to demonstrate your true capabilities (even if they’re wrong sometimes), you only get better.

And ultimately, the team gets better. ✌🏻

And that’s really the beauty of it. When others see that it’s a safe zone, they will also find it easier to want to do well in their own strengths and not get busy burying their weaknesses.

They don’t find faults in having weaknesses – because hey, we all have weaknesses. They see the beauty in their own strengths and others’, and are able to openly appreciate them because in a safe zone – appreciating others doesn’t equate to depreciating yourself and making yourself look bad.

And when people start feeling safe about their weaknesses (AKA vulnerabilities) and confident of their strengths (AKA potential contributions) – amazing things happen.

You simply cannot expect people who work under fear to perform exceptionally.

When people start fearing for their mere survivalibity, they’re too busy trying to craft ways to staying alive versus actually working.

And that’s where regardless of how amazing each individual is on paper – they’d fail to effectively contribute to the team, because you just controlled/closed the flow of their genius.

Geez. Blogging about this on my mobile at 4AM because I read the article in the loo – must’ve really struck a chord with me. 😌

This evident need to be worshipped and superior stems from deeply-rooted insecurities and self-loathing; and I find that pretty pitiable. 😕
And to a larger extent, actually quite repulsive.

Oh well. Life goes on. The world is filled with countless interesting characters. 🤗

P.S. I’m not particularly calling out anyone here; other than my own personal experiences, most of the post is based on my own logic from perceptions drawn over years – it’s not exclusive to anything/anyone. So please don’t take anything too personally.

…but if you insist on taking it personally and the shoe fits… 🙄 I could say 99% good things about you, but you’d still want to kill me for the 1%.

Don’t think this battle is worth fighting.

XOXO, G.

My 3 Most Interesting Uber / GrabCar Rides

I’m sure you’ve taken an Uber or GrabCar at least once in your life.

Even though Singapore is mighty tiny and we have a well-established public transport system, Singaporeans still love the comfort of a car ride. 😬

And despite already earning my car license (oh, thank God… FINALLY), I still use Uber or GrabCar a fair bit.

Simple logic; like most Singaporeans – I don’t have my own car.

I get to share my loving boyfriend’s car… 😉 But it’s not mine to use 100% of the time.

Plus sometimes other drivers on the road are just plain mean… 😔 So driving becomes a real chore.

Once I was road-bullied so bad, I literally just pulled up at a random road shoulder and started bawling my eyes out about how diabolical the world is, and how God should just bring about another flood because that rude BMW made me cause a dent on my cute car! 😡 😭
*Well… to add to this, I didn’t have time to eat anything that day and was also on my period… So emotions were on an all-time high there, people!

Ahem.
I digress.

So the point is – I use Uber / GrabCar a fair bit.
I’m not a Platinum on Grab yet though… but think I should be getting there? 😃

Being so, I’ve had my fair share of interesting rides…

#1 The Talk-Until-The-Cows-Come-Home Driver

While I think that services like Uber and GrabCar are just AMAZING… I’d really appreciate if there’s a box that I can tap on that says,
“Tap here if you want your driver to not talk to you.”

Generally when people talk to me, I respond politely.
I think I’m nice that way. 😌

However I’m only human – and there are days when I have the words “F**K OFF” practically inked on my face.

So one day, I ended work pretty late.
By late, I mean 1AM.

Needless to say, I was exhausted.
Thoroughly… 100%-ly… absolutely… DEAD BEAT.

So all I really wanted more than anything in the world, was to just get into a car/taxi… Close my eyes till I get home… then throw myself on the bed and conk out.

But life doesn’t always give you what you want (or even need, in my case).

Once I got into the car… Yup, you guessed it.

Yadda yadda… Blah blah blah… Lalala…

That was all my brain was able to comprehend after some point.

Talking Driver: Wow, you just got off work? It’s so late!

Me: Yup.

Talking Driver: You must be tired!

Me: REALLY tired…

Talking Driver: Uncle already had dinner, took a nap and had supper – then you finish work!!!

Yes, wanker. I got that I finished work at an unorthodox hour which seemed incomprehensible to you at that moment – but if that were the case, it would’ve been basic logic to realise I was in no shape for any form of conversation whatsoever.

My eyes were literally half closed and at some point, I stopped making the polite, “Uh-huh” and kept quiet… because I was practically asleep.

But he just KEPT TALKING!!!

Even when we got to my destination, he turned around and continued talking about God-knows-what…

I felt bad because he was probably lonely or trying to stay awake at that hour (albeit he looked like he had a gallon of caffeine injected into him)…

Hmm!!! Maybe that’s why he was soooo high… 😨

#2 The Scary MLM Driver

Now, I’ve taken Uber / GrabCar rides driven by property agents… insurance agents… startup entrepreneurs… that would try to make a sales pitch during the ride.

I never found any foul in that – as long as they respected that I had the right to say ‘no’.

However this particular driver really went too far…

During the entire ride, he went on and on about how liberating he finds his job! That he had the flexibility to even drive Uber / GrabCar to earn extra cash… and how he’s able to spend more time with his family.

And I responded with the occasional, “Wow, sounds great. Good for you! 😊”

I wasn’t lying – I genuinely feel it’s important that someone feels so positive in life.

Then as we were nearing my destination, he insisted that he needed to park the car… Which I felt was odd, but also felt it was dangerous for me to alight from a moving car.

So I just let the dude park.

THEN – IT BEGAN.

He turned around and give me the ‘salesman smile 😁‘. (Don’t ask me to describe what a ‘salesman smile’ is… you just know it when you it)

MLM Driver: So have you thought of doing a job like this yourself?

Immediately – it clicked in my head.
Ah, that’s why he was raving about his work. Part of it involves recruitment, apparently.

Me: No, I’m good. Thanks.

MLM Driver: Don’t you want to have more time and money on your hands?? a great company to work for!

Me: I’m not interested in MLM. Thanks.

Was already very annoyed, so I reached out to open the door.
BUT he quickly LOCKED the doors!!! 😱 😱

I was VERY taken aback!! And as a female, a little frightened…

MLM Driver: Think about it! You’re young, you’re pretty… you can do so many things!!

That was when I get pissed. 😠

I sat back, crossed my legs, glared at him and frowned. (Must’ve watched too many movies)

Me: You’re right. I can do soooo many things… Do you want to begin by thinking what I’m going to do to YOU for locking me in your car by force?

And ended that sentence by raising one eyebrow.

Yup – I really watch too many movies/drama series.

He quickly apologised, unlocked the door and bid me farewell.

No, I didn’t lodge a complaint. You’d think I should’ve, because he could do it to other people too… but at that moment when I pondered about it – it seemed like he was in a desperate situation.

And I just couldn’t bring myself to lodge a complaint against someone who seemed to be at his wits end. 😔

#3 The Swearing Driver

This is, by far, my favourite. 😆

No, the driver wasn’t rude or anything. In fact, he was just downright entertaining.

It was a Saturday and I was running late to attending a friend’s wedding dinner. I had a loooong week and it was another tiring day. 😖 Just couldn’t catch a break, even on a weekend.

He was really friendly as soon I was boarded his car.

Swearing Driver: You’re going for a dinner?

Me: Yup.

Swearing Driver: But you don’t look so happy!!

Me: Just had a rough week – really tired.

Then he tried by cracking a few jokes here and there. Which I obliged by laughing to, even though I didn’t really listen…

Then suddenly the song “I Swear” was playing in the car, and he went…

“Uncle’s favourite song!!!”

And at the top of his lungs, he sang, “I SWEARRRR~~~ BY THE MOOOOONNNN AND THE SSSSTARRRSSS IN THE SKYYYYY~~~”

😂 😂 😂

5 stars??

Heck, no. GIVE THE MAN 6 STARS!!!

Of course not everyone appreciates a singing-induced ride… Some people might just go, “Swear, simi??? Swear 你的老人头啦(your old person head – I don’t think it makes sense translated)！

To all Uber / GrabCar drivers out there who work so hard on the roads – thank you so much! 😊 There are times when I’m infinitely grateful to have such a great service at my fingertips and I’ve met some of you awesome drivers who make the ride so much fun!

Sure, there will always be a few black sheep around… but most Uber / GrabCar drivers I’ve had the privilege of riding with were nice people with warm smiles. 💛

If you’re a passenger, I urge you to be nice to the drivers. It’s super tiring driving around for hours on the road with other rude drivers, whilst trying to perfectly navigate to places they’re probably not even familiar with.

Trust me – now that I just got my license and trying to work those driving-muscles… It’s unimaginably exhausting.

You’d think that by sitting on a chair, pressing some pedals and turning a steering wheel won’t be that physically demanding.

Well, I got news for you, buddy.

Driving around for hours on end isn’t just physically exhausting – it’s also MENTALLY taxing. All the focus you need to give the roads (assuming that you’re one of those good people on the roads that actually don’t want an accident to happen), and the constant planning on which exit to take, which lane to be in…

And whenever you change lanes, you don’t always get to change lanes! Many drivers in Singapore aren’t very nice. 😔

So, please be nice to GrabCar and Uber drivers! Sure, they sometimes don’t deliver a great ride – but the primary thing is that you got a convenient mode of transport and got to your destination safely, yes?

For that, you have loads to already be thankful for.

So since we’re enjoying that bit of comfort in an air-conditioned car, we can spare that bit of kindness in being nice to the owner of the car, yes? 😉

XOXO, G.

Teeth as White as BlanX Space

The BlanX White Shock Toothpaste

Unlike other whitening toothpastes, the BlanX White Shock doesn’t attack the tooth’s enamel – which means in the long run, your teeth will be healthier and less damaged. Which also means that if your teeth get whiter, it’s only because your teeth itself is getting whiter – not just a temporary layer.

To add some more icing on top – this toothpaste also helps to hydrate your gums! 😬

Ooh, but here’s my favourite part! 😍

Within the BlanX White Shock range, is this magical LED add-on! When I first saw it, I couldn’t help but swoon over how crazy cool it is!

The BlanX White Shock Toothpaste + LED

It’s essentially the same BlanX White Shock Toothpaste – but with an LED fixture you can add-on to multiply the whitening effect!

The LED light is within this cap that you can twist onto the main toothpaste tube.

This is the first time ever that my toothpaste had light shining out of it! It was like heaven in a toothpaste or something.

When I first saw this product, I was wondering, “Waaa, later end up like Ross, how?”
(People who watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S will understand…)

Ross White Teeth

Now, if your concern isn’t so much about whitening your teeth – but actually just making sure they’re healthy and get a star sticker from your dentist every 6 months; then you can check out these out:

The BlanX Sensitive Teeth

Sure, it still contains whitening properties – but this one actually helps to reinforce the enamel on your teeth! It might not sound like much, but the enamel is a crazy important part of your oral health.

If you’re one of those people who cringe from tooth pain/numbness when biting into ice-cream or ice kachang – then you really need to try this one out!

The BlanX Intensive Stain Removal

This is for all the coffee-addicts that put even me to shame. Some people drink about 5 cups of coffee just to get through the day – and this ends up staining their front teeth quite nastily. Or even heavy smokers who have quite bad teeth stain.

When your teeth is stained, it’s not just about whitening anymore – you need to start by first removing the stain.

The BlanX Advanced Whitening

Or if you’d just like something to make sure your teeth are healthy and look dazzling – try out the BlanX Advanced Whitening to clean, protect and whiten!

I’ve been using the toothpastes for a couple of weeks now – and my favourite is definitely the BlanX White Shock LED. Simply because it’s fun to play with the light… Haha! 😅 And the dazzling blue light helps to wake me up in the morning too. Lol.

Here are some other reasons why I’ve come to love the product after using it personally –

The smell isn’t too strong.
Sometimes using other toothpastes, I can get choked (somehow) by the strong smell. Like, when I inhale too much? Maybe it’s just me… but BlanX toothpastes have a rather subtly refreshing scent to them.
My teeth actually got whiter.
Really did! And I’m not writing this because they sponsored me the product. My teeth weren’t particularly yellow – but they certainly weren’t dazzling-white sort. Ok – they’re not dazzling-white right now either… but the yellow tones have significantly gone down and my smiles look brighter! Yay! 😁
Numbness when eating ice-cream went down 🍦
Ordered an ice-cream cone and bit down straight into it – expected a slight sting or sense of numbness in my teeth, but it was not too bad this time. In fact, it was almost negligible.

Amazing stuff and I’m so happy BlanX is available on our sunny island!

Check out BlanX Singapore’s Facebook page today!

Stay happy & keep smiling, everyone! ♥️

XOXO, G.

Zula.sg – Singaporean Ladies’ Sacred Web Space

Singapore – in all its bustling tininess, has developed quite a significant amount of content around our favourite areas like food (omg, soo much food), travel articles and local news with a quirky (and sometimes controversially-hilarious) take.

For the longest time, Singapore often read up on stuff from websites with foreign-based content… So it’s amazing how we managed to create a whole bunch of exclusively-Singaporean content that tap into our kiasu-laksa-loving hearts.

Now I’m immensely happy to have discovered Zula.sg!

It’s awesome because it really feels like a super exclusive space that not everyone will be able to relate to!

How so?

Well, for starters – Zula’s content is very much meant for Singaporeans. Which pretty much cuts out the rest of the world and leaves us with our teeny-tiny island. And the content is meant for female. Not just any female… Gen-Y females.

Which is really pretty awesome, in my honest opinion. Because it’s practically everything I want to read about; or at the very least, can relate to.

But what I really love about Zula is how clean their webpage is!
All that white space!!! 😍 😍 😍

You might notice that some of the pictures seem quite unprofessional – but I really think it’s just a teething phase with newer webpages. I’ve learned that actually getting quality images is no easy feat.

I’m alright with closing one eye to images for now – because they have some pretty good articles that I’d spend some time reading.

This particular one on “Why Minister Grace Fu’s “20-20” Target Is More Demoralising Than Empowering From A Girl’s Perspective” caught my attention almost immediately. I’m Singaporean, I’m female – it pretty much affects me directly what happens to Singaporean women’s empowerment!

Speaking of women empowerment – I couldn’t not read the article on “This Singapore Girl Fixes Planes Instead of Flying In Them“. While so many girls I know flock to being flight stewardesses, this lady took the road less travelled (by others her gender) and became an aircraft technician! Although I already read this article somewhere else, I love reading it again from another writer’s POV… ☺️ Gives me this warm, fuzzy & proud feeling inside. Like, “YEA! GO, SINGAPORE GIRL!! WOOT!!!”

And of course lets not forget the beauty-related stuff!! 💄

I’m currently carefully studying “5 Amazeballs Mascaras Under $10 For Singaporean Girls Who Spend Too Much On Makeup” because lately I’ve spent a bit on mascaras – but none seem to work for me! 😭 😭 Darn these oily eyelids… I always end up looking like a racoon by lunchtime. Plus a couple of those weren’t exactly economically-priced! It’s great to find cheap alternatives!

So if they work – SUPER YAY! If they don’t – oh well. Doesn’t hurt too bad.

But honestly, the MOST IMPORTANT one right now is…

Revlon has some pretty awesome stuff like their Balm Stains! So definitely worth checking out.

Zula has some great content – and it would seem like they’re building up more! Already ‘Liked’ their Facebook page; and waiting for more updates!

XOXO, G.

My Annoying Boyfriend: Beauty & the Beast

It’s quite literally a ‘tale as old as time’… And I was super excited about the movie!

Right from the cartoon version back in 1991 till this new one starring media’s darling Emma Watson in 2017; one thing was a constant fave – the rose in a glass jar.

And with every popular movie, they made it a point to suck as much money as possible – by having cool merchandise.

So many boyfriends were buying their girlfriends that Enchanted Rose and I thought it was super romantic & gorgeous.

Me: Y’know the Enchanted Rose in Beauty & the Beast? So many boyfriends bought it for their girlfriends… 🙄 It’s so pretty!! Can I have one too? ☺️

My Annoying Boyfriend: You know that that rose was given as a curse, right? So you want me to curse you now, is it?

😒

Well.

XOXO, G.

It’s OK to be married and not want children…

You’d think that in this day & age people would be more open-minded… But somehow whenever a couple goes, “No, we don’t want children.”

It seems to be a cue call for,
“OMG!!! WHAT?!?! 😱 😱 BUT WHYYYY??? DON’T YOU WANT A FAMILYYYY??”

Which is really idiotic, in my opinion. 😒

Why does ‘family’ have to come with having offsprings?
So you’re saying those who are unable to conceive, were never meant have a family? How ludicrous. You’re limiting the very blessed word of ‘family’ with your own societal expectations.
It’s their future; of which I’m quite confident you hardly have any solid part of.

But let me clear the air here a little bit… I want my own children – not because of societal expectations. But I just want to have children, be it by conceiving & giving birth or adoption. I just love children. ❤️

However sometimes people are just better off not having children.

Lack of Financial Resources

As superficial as it might sound to some people – it’s super realistic.

If you cannot afford to raise a child comfortably, don’t have one (or more, for that matter. In case that wasn’t clear…).

Especially in a country like Singapore; raising a child is immensely expensive. 💸

Before the child is even born, you already spent a bomb on the doctor, the hospital, special food… And then when the child is here, there is confinement… clothes & shoes (that they always grow out of), food, school, allowance…

And the thing about schooling is that you realise it isn’t the school fees that kill you – it’s the bloody miscellaneous shit that come hurling at you out of nowhere.

Even for myself – as much as I’d love to have children; if I wasn’t financially capable to, I’d rather not.

Because it won’t just be a huge burden on me, my spouse and therefore our marriage – but it will also hurt the baby that I selfishly decided to give life to; without giving practical reason to whether the decision was viable or not to begin with.

Simply Do Not Like Children

Didn’t realise it till much later on my life… but there really are people who just don’t like children. 😯

Sure, they were children themselves at some point – but that doesn’t mean they like children in the slightest. They won’t go ‘goo goo ga ga’ with a chubby baby, or swoon when the baby bursts out in cute giggles.

In fact, some people just find children noisy nuisances – and find no joy whatsoever in their adorableness.

So how can you expect such people to want to have children?

Truth is – no child is adorable all the time. When you’re the caretaker of him/her, there will be times when you just look up at God and wonder how in all His green goodness – He created this unassuming devil and left you to deal with it.

People who already have no patience for cute babies, would probably end up hurting the child during the growing up process anyway.

Now, why would you want that to happen?

Albeit I know some people who just hate other people’s children, but are head over heels for their own lah. So whatever floats your boat.

No Time; No Intention to Make Any

I know some couples who don’t mind having children – but just aren’t ready to commit time in their lives to raise one.

Which sometimes build up loads of resentment in future. The child will always be a symbol of hindrance of ‘what if’…
“What if the child wasn’t here, I would’ve been able to do this… do that…”

And it just isn’t fair to both the child and the parent.

I’m not a parent just yet… and truth be told, I hardly have any example of what parents should be like. However I take loads of reference from my Daddy in the few years he had with me.

And I imagine that being a parent won’t be easy, and it definitely not be perfect… but I always dreamt it would be worth it. And it should be a choice of my own – not society, not my friends/family, not even my spouse.

It has to be a personal choice of my own.
And it should be yours too.

So to my friends who just don’t want to have children – don’t.

You’ll be doing yourself a favour; you’ll be doing the child a favour; you’ll even be doing society a favour.

You can never please society anyway… So may as well do whatever works best for you and go down that road. ✌🏻😉

XOXO, Gera.