Even though I live in an Southeast Asian country, much of my country’s culture is very much globalised.
Singapore, my home, is very much practically a rojak of cultures actually.
So since I was little, I loved Christmas because of all the gifts I got! However I also really hated the occasion… I’m not exaggerating that I actually hated Christmas. Because out front, I was paraded in front of church people who didn’t even know me; because the woman they call my mother wanted face. And behind closed doors, she was hysterical and mental about how she had to go through such jolly seasons alone without a husband. And then she gets all nuts about finances because she has to buy gifts. Couple of years she told me she had absolutely no money to buy me anything; but she was pretty generous with her church people and the children of the man she was seeing then.
It’s really one of the many things that still make me irk at the thought of Christmas.
Albeit I loved sitting by the Christmas tree at my cousin’s house – hoping that I’d unwrap something nice! ☺️
Other than that? Really didn’t like the occasion. I often wept in despair on Christmas Eve, because it just meant I had a new batch of shit with the woman they call my mother.
However lately as I’ve spread my own wings and left the toxic nest, I have gradually come to enjoy Christmas!
Still don’t care very much that it is supposedly Jesus’ birthday… but I love how it presents the opportunity for people to show love for one another. ❤️
There are friends who I love very much but aren’t able to meet them due to busy schedules… Christmas is the perfect time! And we can do gift exchanges as well. And then we spend time together just talking about how life has been lately…
It’s a whole other sort of warmth.
And I love it very much!! ☺️
Okay – clearly I still have issues with the woman they call my mother. It’s intensively deeply rooted… You cannot just wipe away 24 years of pain, distrust and abuse in a few years. You simply cannot. To expect that I’d go back there is just beyond stupidity, retardation and insanity.
To be honest, I doubt I can even manage in this lifetime.
And right now, I’m okay with that.
I just enjoyed my Christmas with friends who love me, and a new family I’m building. And albeit presents haven’t been as great as before… LOL. I’m actually a lot happier than I was before.
All those material things won’t make me happy. At least not for long.
New Year is coming around the corner and I think I’ve grown a tad in 2016! 😃
I’ve really been neglecting my blog… And pretty much many other aspects of my life, actually. 😔
Don’t worry, guys. I’m very much alive!!! Albeit dying more quickly than planned…
Things at work have gotten a tad insane…
I’m at my very first agency job. I was super excited to get started on a new experience and I have absolutely no regrets!
I’ve been told that an agency job can practically take over your life – and they’re right. I already work long hours… And when I’m out of the office, my brain is constantly trying to brew something for the projects I have on hand.
It’s actually quite crazy of me. I actually hardly have anytime for anything other than work and Mark. Honestly if Mark and I weren’t cohabiting, I might not see him at all. 😐
Work can get chaotic – but I’m not complaining. 😃
And I’ve come to realise that it’s because of a combination of two things.
My colleagues are an amazing bunch
The sense of achievement I get when a project is well done is better than anything I’ve had before!
Colleagues; the people you work with, are crazy important. You cannot expect to work well in an environment, when you cannot find people to work well with!
And I like to think I’ve achieved quite a bit through my working years… But the sense of accomplishment when a project is done well when you’re in an agency… The best.
It’s not easy; it’s hardly ever easy.
But nothing worthwhile ever came easy.
When it sunk in my head, I was just screaming inside. 😱
It really wasn’t the laptop itself – it was the invaluable data and work inside it. I had spent endless painful hours on a number of projects and it killed me knowing that I lost it all.
Especially for one particular project – I literally worked through an entire month; weekends included.
And no, I didn’t do any backup. 😞 Because I was just so busy and kept on going & going…
Stupid of me. Shame on me.
And it was absolutely insane!!!
I wanted to kill the thief SO BADLY!!
And at the same time, I went all, “I always return valuables that I find!!! Why does this happen to me??” *breaks into hysterical cries*
But then a close friend of mine said the truest words, “Your mistake is thinking that everyone is as kind and nice as you are.”
Honestly don’t think he thought of that himself luh… Swear I read it in a book somewhere. Lol.
The aftermath of the theft just led to a lot of mess for me…
I knew I had to clean up a lot of mess with work – I had deadlines to meet. It’s not my clients’ problems that I lost my laptop; they still want their deliverables.
I was already utterly exhausted and worn out… but because of this incident, I had to go through all of it again; but at a faster speed, because time was already lost.
Immediately after informing the building management, I headed down to the police station to make a report.
And this was what went down… It’s a good thing she burst out in laughter and went on about how adorable I am… but I genuinely couldn’t stand seeing my statement having those errors… 😅
But after all the craziness settled; I realised just how blessed I am.
#1 An old friend works around the area; he came down to meet me and really helped to distract me and calm me down with his jokes. 😂
#2 When I posted what happened on Facebook, I received messages and calls from friends who tried to cheer me up. 😍 Super precious! You guys have no idea how much that meant to me.
#3 My boss wasn’t angry with me; he was just worried about how I’m going to manage the workload, and immediately requested for more time from the clients for me. ☺️
#4 I cried at the police station, but realised that my problem was absolutely trivial compared to others’… And that sort of calmed me down significantly. Like, honestly… What do I really have to panic about? I just have to put in more hours, sweat & tears, dig into my memory a little bit…
Other people had huge problems that made mine seem like I was complaining that someone stole my lollipop.
And anyway, this went down at my police station visit.
#5 When I got back to the office, my partner J pulled out Hokkaido cheesecake for me! 😋 I was told he specially went out to get it for me, to cheer me up.
#6 And when I got home late, Mark whipped up his awesome pasta! Really, he makes good pasta. 👍🏻🍝 And he even threw in my favourite crab sticks! He stayed up to sit with me in the kitchen at 12:15AM on a work night. ❤️
Through all this, I realised that like J said, I always overreact. 😑
And as much as I always say I’m used to being alone – I cannot deny that having some love from others (especially in such a harrowing situation), was quite literally a lifesaver.
Everyone made it so easy for me. And for that, I’m endlessly grateful. 😚
Maybe being a tad reliant on people for care & love isn’t as scary as I think it is.
I lost my laptop about 2 weeks ago – and since then, no news. I’ve already accepted that I won’t ever be getting it back… but it’s okay. I managed to work through it all – my memory served me quite well. 😬✌🏻 And it’s through such times that I open my eyes to the genuine care people express.
And I believe in karma! And for all I know… maybe that person desperately needed a quick buck for a life or death situation.
So I don’t choose to be angry, devastated or vengeful over this. You’d think that through something like this, I’d lose faith in humanity.
But, no. If anything at all, it made me believe in it even more.
So in a way, I’d like to thank God for letting this happen…
Albeit when it happened I was all, “Why, God?! Why, why, why?? Is it because I didn’t go church for the past lifetime??” 😂
I choose to keep this as memory to the awesome people I have around me; my background isn’t very pretty, but I think the picture painted in front is absolutely beautiful ☺️ And I wouldn’t trade this canvas for anything else in the world.
So just a couple of weeks ago, I actually broke a friendship…
If you asked me some years ago about how I felt about this – I’d probably be all, “Omg, this is horrible! We need to make up!”
But right now? I honestly never felt BETTER!!! 😌😌😌
You might think that I’m a horrible person… And sometimes I won’t disagree with you. 😂
But for this particular friendship… Losing this friend was really more of a gain in my life!
In this post, I’m not going to reveal names or anything related to real identities. Heck, I won’t even mention the gender. 😉 You just enjoy the story, yea?
So Ex-F (actually stands for ex-‘friend’; but ‘F’ can be so many things! So you let your imagination go there; ex-friend, ex-f**ker, ex-fiend, ex-figglybooboo…) was someone who I got to see quite often and was honestly one of the most self-loving self-obsessed people I knew.
In a nutshell, Ex-F is the sort that will go, “If you cannot accept me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
Ex-F’s worst was something like, “YOU STUPID, UGLY BITCH! I don’t care what you say!!! I WANT IT MY WAYYY!!!”
While the best was something like, “I’m in a good mood today. You can bring me to this restaurant. Don’t I look wonderful??”
Ex-F often self-proclaimed him/herself on a daily basis as high-class (quite an oxymoron, if you have to proclaim it for yourself…), good GREAT-looking and talented.
It was unbelievably annoying.
While I admire self-confidence; I don’t appreciate self-delusion or unfounded arrogance.
Since we’re no longer friends; I don’t see the point of maintaining any loyalty. The truth is… Ex-F is one of the weirdest-looking people I’ve set my eyes on! Ex-F has this look that is really neither here nor there… but that’s just my own opinion; and some people do like a unique look.
However Ex-F the most unclassy personality as well.
Ex-F actually flaunted that he/she had a fling with a married person. Wtf?!
And Ex-F even went on and on about how the fling’s spouse couldn’t even compare… Wa lao, seriously. 😒 I was actually super turned off back then. Cheating, no matter how right it feels, shouldn’t be something you show off like a prize in your trophy cabinet.
It was awfully tiring being Ex-F’s friend… His/her typical dialogue goes like this…
Ex-F: Omg, look at that woman! How UGLYYYY!!!! I pity her husband…
Ex-F: Look at that fat bitch. Ugh. I’m not going to attend the party if she is there! I don’t party with lame people.
Ex-F: Did you see my latest Facebook profile picture? Why didn’t you ‘like’ it?
All of this, I attributed to severely low self-esteem that caused the need to put others down to feel better about one’s self.
And all of that was just so tiring to maintain. 😩
Sincere apologies – but at this age… I don’t give a royal rat’s ass about entertaining such idiots anymore.
And Ex-F even tried to get other people to ‘hate on me’; but it just made me happy:
Ex-F is indeed a horribly toxic person to have in your life
Those people are like Ex-F; so lesser people to give a shit about
People like that don’t realise…
Friendships don’t exist to only validate their existence and perceived values; friendships are a two-way traffic and are not meant for one-sided worship. That, will be idolising; NOT friendship.
And friendships are often reflections of what really matters to you as a person deep down. How your friends are; what they say, how they act and what they do – are clear indications of what you like to have in your life.
Don’t be shy about kicking out toxic people in your life; because life is too short to eat shitty food and hang around with shitty people. If you have so much time to entertain such wankers, go discover a cure for cancer or something.
So really be careful of who you choose to surround yourself with; because you gradually become like them. 😌 Don’t waste your precious time entertaining such people, when you could be loving those who are worth it.
Bought these Time’s Up facial masks because they have adorable lines written on them. Like this one! “When Pores Show Up”.
Personally find this absolutely cute!! Hehehe. And the product itself isn’t too bad either!
One of the huge important factors of any facial mask is that the sheet quality has to be great – and this one has a good sheet quality! The serum is quite good as well. It’s quite thick & rich, so be sure to pat it down nicely after you’re done!
It’s quite okay in price too.
Overall it’s like every other good facial mask out in the market.
Don’t seem to find it readily available on online stores in Singapore… but got my stash from Watson’s! So if you’d like, you can try to check them out. But you’ll probably need to head down to the larger stores like in Takashimaya or Nex. 😉
Rating: 💋 💋 💋 (out of 5 kisses)
Hope you found these helpful and enjoyed them! 😘 Till next time!
Today I came across this article on the States Times Review; and while I’m fully aware of the its credibility (no offence to States Times Review) – I was quite angered by it.
*Disclaimer: Whatever written here is entirely based on my own experiences and perceptions; which could be limited in nature.
If you’re too lazy to click and read (plus it’s quite an old article), I’ll just tell you the gist of it –
Kong Hee pleaded leniency in court, citing that his parents are old, his siblings are handicapped and his children have mental illness – and he’s the sole bread winner of the family.
Excuse me ah… but after all the money pumped into making your wife a ‘success’ in Hollywood, you still don’t have enough ROIs (return on investment) for your family while you’re out for 8 years?
You pumped in money for over good 10 years!!! If she isn’t popular by now, I doubt she will be popular anytime in this lifetime.
On the side, I honestly hope he gets more jail time. 8 years for the number of lives he negatively impacted and amount of monies he (most likely) conned from people?? Is EVERYTHING a good bargain for him?? Okay, but I know squat about the law – so will just leave it to the judges.
And when I just remember those times back in City Harvest when other people had their own sad family stories too… THEY GOT CONNED TOO WHAT! They trusted him with their pain based on the righteous & religious image he portrayed to them – only for him to manipulate & abuse it to his advantage.
Okay, story time!!
While I was there, a fellow cell member’s grandmother was gravely ill. And on top of all the praying and fasting he did, he was instructed to give even more to Harvesting God. (I call CHC’s version of god the ‘Harvesting God’, because it seems all he wants is harvests from the people. And I think that’s why they call the church City Harvest – because cities are generally the places with more money and they always want to harvest.)
Then I remember I asked that cell member, “Shouldn’t you use this money for treatment instead?”
Aaaaand of course I got rebuked for trying to misplace someone else’s faith. The cell leader told him that if he showed ‘god’ that he fully trusted him – god will heal his grandmother miraculously.
His grandmother passed away shortly after.
Of which they said to him, “God has his plan.”
Let me guess… HMM!! An investment plan?? It seems to work that way for them.
Like one of my cell group members said previously, “It’s like when you go temple, you give money when you ask for blessings right? Same thing loh.”
Now here’s a little story about me. If you’ve read my previous post on 9 Reasons why City Harvest Church was the Devil to Me, you’d know that I come from a rather bleak past. After my father passed away – I was left with my mother who probably didn’t know how to deal with the situation. I was 4. It was awful in almost every aspect and believe it or not, I wrote suicide notes since I was in primary 1. Things got progressively worse and by the time I was in City Harvest, I was pretty desperate for any form of help or support I could find. It was pathetic of me. I hate myself for it.
Well, it wasn’t uncommon for me to break down crying for no bloody reason. And I was told that I was just trying to seek attention. I didn’t expect anyone to know what I was going through – because I got really good at playing a happy girl (no one likes a sad girl).
Then I vividly remember one day at cell group meeting, I didn’t give an offering – I just passed the A4 envelope over. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to give… I only had S$200 every month and I gave my 10% tithing – which left me with S$180. It was the start of a new month, but my mother still didn’t give me my allowance and she always got irrationally angry whenever I reminded her I have no money left. Then my mentor said one sentence to me that fellowship after cell group meeting, “How do you expect god to give you a good life, if you don’t give god your life?”
And they refused to accept the reason that I had no money. They said they could loan me money if I ever needed it. And I actually borrowed the money to give to offering. Because I believed that if I gave Harvesting God the offering, he would finally hear my cries and maybe cut me some slack.
I never thought I was a bright bulb.
But this?!?! This is a special kind of stupid, Gera.
So yes – the guy also had family problems; his grandma was very ill and they needed money for medical treatments. I had family problems; I didn’t even have money for proper meals sometimes – I needed the money for that or at least some sort of therapy.
The underline was both of us couldn’t afford to give financially, but we bought the idea that we could maybe buy a miracle out of the abyss we were in.
So Kong Hee really has no right to say any sob stories about his family. Because problem families were obviously no excuse for not giving money to the church – why should it be an excuse or possible appeal for leniency for him taking their money to feed his greed and his wife’s vanity?
And now looking back – if that was the kind of god I had to please to make a better life of myself, I have better odds gambling, yes?
Maybe it’s because his family is doing so badly that he found this way to get moneyto provide a better life for his family.
I find this is the nicest way I can view it in… If his siblings are handicapped, he probably felt as the only ‘abled’ one… He had to do something to provide for all of them. And then he met this attention-seeking woman and made her his wife. Probably because he’s used to everything being not right one way or another, he cannot help but find an attraction to her.
Then he winds up with handicapped siblings and an extremely high maintenance wife, with parents that aren’t getting any younger… Maybe this is why he was driven into the corner to do anything to provide for them.
Well, this is just my theory…
So y’know what – by the church’s theory… They shouldn’t even pay for legal fees! No.. No.. Money should go into the church… And Harvesting God will provide a miracle that the judges will just say he’s very innocent and everyone should continue giving money blindly to the church.
Well, even if those encounters didn’t happen – I still think that using his family as shield against the lashes of his punishment is sickeningly pathetic. And a man who could do something like that has no right to stand on a pedestal every weekend, wearing the mask of God (the rightful one!) and influencing the people to feed his greed and ego.
He needs to be placed behind bars.
Wow, it’s late. Ate some durians for lunch and I still have durian breath! Yikes. Alright, nite!
P.S. Here are some generic replies to ‘hate mail’ I got from my previous post…
To those who called me Judas, the devil… – If you feel my post is entirely untrue, it shouldn’t affect you this much considering how much other people are saying as well. Unless you were able to connect with something I said and got scared by it…?
To those who said I shouldn’t be attacking the church during this ‘sensitive’ period of time for them – Aww, you’re a special kind of stupid too! Hopefully you’ll snap out of it soon enough. Jia you!
To those who said I’m going to hell – Cool. See you there then.
But tonnes of others were love mail and I’m so incredibly touched!!! Hope you guys got my replies. 🙂
So that day Mark and I were walking around in a pasa malam (it’s one of those street markets we have in Singapore that have loads of food, clothes and other cool stuff to buy), and I happened to see a stall that was selling churros!!!
Suddenly all my dieting went out the window… and before I knew it I was, “Cinnamon sugar, please!!! 😬”
Mark went over to some other stall… So as soon as I got my churros, I happily trotted along to find him.
Then when I met him…
Mark: Ooh, can I have one of your churros?
Me: Oh… *thinking: please say you’re kidding… Please? PLEASE?? Okay, just waiting for me to give it to you eh??* Okay…
And I apparently had this face…
Then he knew I was VERY unwilling to share.
And suddenly I realised, I had a #JoeyDoesntShareFood moment! 😳
It’s not that I don’t love Mark… Or that I love Mark more than churros… God, no! If I did, it’s a clear indication to rethink my life choices.